Pregnancy: Miss Cora Carolina

I haven't posted on here in a really long time, but this seemed like the easiest format for what I wanted to do. I wanted to write down the story of how little Cora came to into this world. I wanted to start out by documenting my pregnancy.

Justin and I got pregnant after 6 months of trying, 3 months of sporadic fun and 3 months of a concentrated effort. In no way would I want to lessen the struggles that people go through that experience infertility, but the disappointment of not being pregnant month after month is definitely heartbreaking. During the time I spent trying to get pregnant, I became an expert on all things fertility, driving Justin to near insanity, I'm sure. The morning of July 15, I woke and took a pregnancy test because my BBT was still at a peak after 15 days, which was the limit I set for myself to wait to take yet another pregnancy test. I used an "internet cheapie" test and it came back positive. Frantic, I ran out to the car to grab one of the First Response Early Result tests that are quite a bit more expensive to confirm, hardly daring to believe it to be true.

When that came back positive, I had to tell someone. I had planned out the best way to tell Justin that I was pregnant with the "New Dad" Willow Tree Figurine.

However, that didn't go as planned as I burst into our bedroom saying "Justin, I'm pregnant." seconds later. Later that day at work, I still collected the figurine and brought it home to him. We went to Cafe Niche that night and enjoyed one of my last meals before morning sickness hit hard. Justin and I had decided to wait to tell people that we were pregnant until I was 12 weeks along. Unfortunately, that didn't quite go as planned. The morning sickness hit hard at just 6 weeks and was unbearable and obvious that something was going on with me. Also, we had a planned camping trip with a group of friends where it would be very obvious that something was going on if I didn't show. We broke the news to my parents and Justin's and then I gave him the green light to tell his friends over the weekend. We ended up announcing when I was 10 weeks along.

My "morning sickness" lasted for about 7 months all day and night and even up to 8 months, I would have moments where I would suddenly become very sick and throw up everything I ate. It was not fun, but I was very happy to be pregnant and besides feeling ill felt relatively well physically my entire pregnancy. In total during my pregnancy, I missed 3 days at work. It was NOT fun, but the maternity leave will be worth it.

At 36 weeks, I woke up at 2 in the morning with my whole body itching like crazy. It seemed to come in a wave down my body starting with my head and moving to my ears, my chin, my neck, my torso, my stomach and it would just cycle. I went to the midwives the next day and was diagnosed with a rash of pregnancy called Pemphigoid Gestationis. This is a 1 in 80,000 disease and basically what happens is that your body attacks the collagen that is in your placenta (and in your skin) which causes the reaction. It may appear as a hive-like rash, but then develops into blisters. Some of the side effects of this are preterm birth, low birth weight, placenta failure and low amniotic fluid. I had to have an non-stress test to check on the placenta and my amniotic fluid, as well as monitor baby's heartrate. Fortunately, Cora passed with flying colors. Otherwise, they would have induced me by the end of that week. By Sunday of the following week, I woke up and the rash had completely disappeared. To this point, we have no idea what caused it. It could have been an allergic reaction to something I came in contact with or it is possible that it was stress-induced. I was just relieved that everything seemed to be going ok and that I wasn't going to need to be induced at that point.

The rest of my pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I really struggled at work the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy with all of the good-natured comments of "You're still here!" and the not so good-natured ones of "My baby was late and if we had waited any longer they would have been stillborn." I had a few really bad days, but had a good friend at work that reminded me to try and enjoy these last few moments of being pregnant with my precious little girl because these are moments that I won't be able to get back. I did a lot of research on the science behind due dates and how they are calculated. Despite my ESTIMATED due date of 3/12/16, I came up with the range of 3/17-3/23 based on my LMP, the date I ovulated, and my first trimester ultrasound. I was content on waiting her out - but going to work was hard. :-P

Our sweet little girl waited until 4 days past my due date to make her debut on March 16, 2016.


I will be making a separate post about her birth story.

Paleo - Day 7

So here we are at day 7 of a Paleo diet.  It has been going well for the most part.  On day 4, I felt better than I have in a really long time. I woke up feeling like I had actually gotten a full night's rest. This is HUGE!!!  I haven't felt as desperate for sleep all week.  I am hoping the progress keeps up!  We have been very good at sticking to it, minus 2 dinners that we already had planned this week, so we are at 93% for our first week.

Since the Paleo diet is a pretty restrictive diet, a lot of people have been asking me what we can eat. I have taken a few pictures of some of our meals from the last week to demonstrate.  I have gotten most of my recipes from primallyinspired.com.  I highly recommend it, even if only for just REAL food ideas.

Our first day:  Chicken Bell Pepper Nachos and a Strawberry Breakfast Cake 

BLT Chicken Salad

We also had a Pumpkin and Pork (no bean) Chili, also from Primally Inspired that is not pictured.  It was delish, but doesn't photograph well.

Tonight, I went about Paleo-izing a meal that I've wanted to make for a long time and made it for my Daddy's Father's Day dinner.  Here is the original link.  Basically, I used coconut oil to fry the chicken in and I made a plum sauce from a Paleo book that Justin got me because we can't have any form of sugar, including artificial that would be in Smucker's jams.  Plus, since reading the plum sauce recipe, I wanted to try it.

5 Spice Chicken with Plum Sauce

I also had to get a little bit creative with our breakfast this morning.  Unfortunately, I took this picture after I had flipped my eggs over to use the yolk as part of the dressing.  It really was beautiful, but you'll just have to take my word for it.

Sunny side up eggs on top of spring mix, avocado, and tomatoes with an olive oil, balsamic vinaigrette

I am excited to see what a difference another week can make and here's hoping for 100%!  So far, I don't feel like I'm missing out on much and I think you can (largely) agree!  :-)

Tomorrow, we are having Justin's family for dinner and I am planning on making Fish Tacos with Mango Salsa Verde.  We'll substitute Boston lettuce for the tortillas, skip the rice, and have a great salad along side it.  Should be great!

Paleo - Day 1

For those of you that follow my blog, you know that I have been having a really hard time with energy for awhile now.  You may also know that I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Disorder.  Chronic Fatigue Disorder is one of those diagnoses that you are almost more loathe to get because throughout the medical community, like fibromyalgia, it is controversial on whether or not it is a "real" diagnosis.  I assure you that the affects that I have felt over the last year and a half are very real and worse at sometimes than others.
After quite a few visits to the doctors that have been less than helpful, I have decided to take my health into my own hands.

You may also know that Justin has been experiencing some stomach problems for the last year or so as well with just as few answers as me.  He has even had a CT scan for kidney stones!!!  When I approached him with the idea of going paleo, he was very accepting of the idea.

So what is paleo???

A Paleo diet involves eating meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, little starch, some fruit and no sugar.  It means no grains, legumes, dairy or alcohol. 

That may sound pretty restrictive, but I am hoping that it will help Justin and I feel better - and if we feel better... then isn't it all worth it?

I'm hoping to keep an diary for at least the first 30 days of what I am feeling and whether or not things are getting better.  .

Here is what today is looking like:

B:  Sweet potato with coconut oil and cinnamon
L:  Steak salad from Chipolte (No rice, no cheese, or sour cream)
D:  Loaded Mexican Bell Pepper Nachos

I'm feeling pretty good, though also pretty tired.  I took a long nap today, but have managed to stay up passed 10 p.m... so far so good.

If you are interested in any of the recipes I list, feel free to leave me a comment and I will direct you to it.

What It Feels Like

For the past 4 years or so, I have followed a blog, Hyberbole and a Half.  It has been some time since the girl that writes this blog has posted.  Her posts are usually beyond humorous, but tend to have some pretty strong language.  The last blog she posted was about her depression and was about a year and a half ago.  After that, she pretty much fell off the face of the earth.  Today, she finally made a new post.

Since, I was about 18-years-old, I have experienced bouts of depression, some only lasting a few weeks and others months on end.  To some people, these are pretty hard to explain.  Most of the time, I can handle  it with exercising and eating well, but there are moments when I can't even muster the motivation to try.  I started feeling this way again in January and February of this year, but have come out of it.

From October 2010 to about July 2011 was the longest time of my life.  I don't remember a lot about my life during this time.  I don't remember much of what I spent my time doing or thinking about.  I do remember feeling like I just really didn't care about anyone or anything.  I can't really explain it to people or really even to myself - until this post.  So, if you struggle with depression or know someone that does and you want some sort of insight into what exactly they are going through, you might want to read it.

Just so you know... there is a space that only you can fill.

Hello!

I have a post that I'm working on regarding the half marathon, but I'm not really happy with it yet - maybe it will be up one day.

Until then, I wanted to post some pictures from mine and Justin's day today.  It has been the perfect lazy Sunday, and was just now completed by watching the newest episode of Game of Thrones.  Justin and I really love this show.

Dany (my favorite character!) with her army, The Unsullied

Yesterday, I spent pretty much the whole day with my good friend, Kerry.  We had brunch, got our nails done, and she showed me a good running route up in Bountiful so that I can start training on harder routes in an effort to increase speed on my normal route.  On Tuesday, I'm meeting Geneva to do hill sprints.  Sounds like a whole lot of torture!
I took a few pictures of my run.

Beautiful Utah - Green, desert, lake - all in one shot

Road to Mueller Park in Bountiful

After my run, I took a nice long shower and had a relaxing nap with Justin and the puppies.  Once we woke up, we went out for a Sunday picnic.

My love, my life

Fievel & Ellie - they both love being outside!!!

As you can see, life has been going quite well for us lately.  Justin is busy doing school and running our business.  I'm busy working, running, and trying to keep us healthy.  Up next, I am going to run the Legacy Midnight Half, the goal is to come in under 2 hours and you get a flashing medal!!!  Hence the speed training!  I also looked at the Utah Half Marathon and it looks like so much fun!  Lots of elevation changes though, so I'm gotta up my game there as well.  I have also started doing the 30 Day Shred in an effort to slim down and get more lean muscle.  The less weight I carry, the faster I will run!

I did want to share with you some interesting (and easy!) recipes that I'm planning on making this upcoming week.

Sweet Potato and Beet Hash
BBQ Pork Stuffed Sweet Potatoes

Kale & Black Bean Burritos

Avocado & Egg Pizza

and for our easy portable lunch...
Sweet Potato & Black Bean Salad

Do you see a pattern here?  Justin LOVES sweet potatoes and I rather like them as well!  Plus, they are SO good for you!  

That's it for today!  Thanks for stopping by!

Me on 3.24.13 after 8 miles

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” ― Mary Oliver

Over the past three weeks, I feel like I have been slowly clawing myself out of a hole that I must have fallen into.  Be it seasonal depression or just one of life's slumps, I had no motivation.  No motivation and a Half Marathon in less than a month don't exactly go hand-in-hand. 

But for some reason, I kept trying.... 3 miles... then 4... and then a few Sundays ago, I hit 7 miles.  7 MILES!!!  The furthest I've ever run is 6 miles for the two 10Ks that I've done.  The elated feeling I felt when Endomondo came on "You have reached your goal" is something that I can't even describe.  It was more than 7 miles... it was pride, it was happiness, it was security - all things that I haven't felt about myself in a while.

Sometimes life seems so pointless, like one never ending battle - and sometimes I just want to throw up my white flag and be done.  

Me on 4.3.13 after 9 miles

I guess at this point in my life, I need to start giving myself credit for what I have and CAN get through and stop pulling myself down.  The question should not be "Can I get through this?"  It should be, "What do I need to do to make this doable?"  I spend so much time looking back on my life and berating myself for every mistake made, every wrong word said, and not enough time looking back and seeing what, at 26-years-old, I have accomplished.  

I spoke to someone not too long ago, I told her I was afraid of dying.  Afraid of looking back on my life and feeling like I hadn't done enough.  Afraid that my relationships weren't strong enough, that I wasn't a good enough person.  I explained that I work for an amazing man who travels all over the world performing eye surgeries on children and that I envy him for the impact he will leave on the world long after he is gone.  What have I spent my life doing???  What she told me has stuck with me, she said, "It sounds to me like you have spent your life learning."

I still have such a long way to go and so many things that I need to do, but for today - for right now we'll start with this.  I need to begin to start trusting myself again.  I can do this.  This is no big deal.  13.1 miles, here I come.

Let's Be Honest

I don't believe in God.

Now when I say that... I don't mean that in a there definitely is no God sort of way.  I also don't believe that in an I am an intellectual and I know more than you sort of way.  All I mean is that for me, for my life, and to put together the pieces in my brain there is no God.

I could sit here and try and explain why exactly that makes sense to me, but that isn't the point of all of this.  I first accepted the realm of possibility that there wasn't a God when I was going through my divorce.  I remember saying to my friend that I finally needed to accept that I wasn't ever going to have this big huge spiritual experience that would change everything for me, that if I was going to believe in God that I just needed to believe and stop questioning it.  That may sound like resounding truth to you - but it still didn't sit right with me - and here I am about 3 years later, a -not wanting to admit it- atheist.

For me, God was a lot like my relationship with my ex and a lot like my relationship with a lot of people.  He was someone that expected a lot of me that I was continually letting down, but continually chasing after to please.  God was my abusive relationship.  I apologize if that offends any of you.  I really, truly honestly do.

For those of you out there, true believers that you are, that are thinking that I was angry at God for my divorce and that is what led me down this path - then go right on ahead and believe it.  If it brings you comfort or makes sense for you and your life, then I will not begrudge you that.

The problem?  How does a girl that grows up, not only in a religious family, but with mainly religious friends and culture absolutely surrounding her find meaning in her godless life?  Well I don't know - and I guess that's what I'm asking you.  

I tried the atheist route, I made friends and even met my husband while attending a Utah Valley Atheists party.  I have no interest in picking apart the intellectual reasons that people do or do not believe.  I have no interest in feeling like a victim of my upbringing because it didn't work out for me.  I have no interest in leading others to believe or think the way that I do.  I have no interest in spending my time devoting my life to  a belief that there is no God, when I couldn't devote my life to a belief that there was one.  

What do I want?  

I want to be happy.

I want to live a life that has MEANING..

I want compassion, understanding, and love.

I want to be uncompromisingly, legitimately, and truthfully me.

***Afterthought:

I wrote this post about a month or so ago.  I have been debating putting it up in this space for fear of not being accepted.  I know that most of you know that I feel this way, but I have never truly came out and said it.

I said in this post that "I want to be uncompromisingly, legitimately, and truthfully me."  This is my blog - and you guys are my friends.  Accept it or don't... but there it is.  I hope you do accept.

As always, I am open to discussions about this, what I believe, what you believe - as long as you remember that I too deserve my thoughts and feelings to be respected.