Learning...

A couple of months ago, I went out on a girl's night with my friend Heather. We watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love. The movie was hard to sit through for a couple of reasons. One of the reasons being that it touched a lot of places in my life that I really wasn't comfortable with. I have grown in a lot of ways since that day, but a lot of things have stayed the same. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about that fact because I'm realizing that everything in life is a process and with everything, hopefully you learn. I watched the movie again this morning because I was feeling particularly distant from myself.

Eat, Pray, Love is not an astounding movie, but its message rings loud and clear.

I wanted to write down some quotes that particularly hit me at this time in my life.

"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it."

"Do you feel my love for you? My support for you? No. There's like nothing. I have no pulse. I used to have this appetite for my life and it is just gone."

"I've been acting like a kid since I was 15. I've either been with a guy or breaking up with a guy. I have not given myself two weeks of a breather to just deal with, ya know, myself."

"I remember an old catholic joke about a man who spent his life going to a church every day and prayed to the statue of a great saint begging "please, please, please let me win the lottery." Finally, the exasperated statue comes to life and looks down and say, "Please, please, please buy a ticket." So now I get the joke and I bought three tickets."

"God dwells within you, as you."

"Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself."

"Sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living balance in life."

"If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally) and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared- most of all- to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself... then truth will not be withheld from you"

Stupid Superstitions...

I don't like odd numbers.

Justin and I started dating on 10/10/10.

How cool is that?

Jar of Hearts

This song pretty much sums up my life for the past year.



I know I can’t take one more step towards you
Cause all that’s waiting is regret
Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I’ve learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Remembering Summer

This morning when I headed out to my car there was a bite in the air and it was already after 11.  I knew this day wouldn't get much warmer.  There is something so bittersweet about putting on a jacket for the first time in the middle of the day at the end of a hot summer.
This summer was a lot of things for me.  It was a time to grow up, a time to feel young, a time to remember, but also a time to forget.  ...and it was a great summer.
This summer held a lot of firsts for me.  Some firsts that I got to experience again and some new.

Here are some of the things I got to do this summer...
13.5 hour road trip (all by myself... well kind of) to Oregon to visit my best friend Brooke.
Going up in a small plane with Joe, trusty pilot and not even getting a little motion sick.
Piloting said plane for about a minute.
Stadium of Fire. (Carrie Underwood Rocks!)
Granduer Peak
My first tanktop.
First car accident.
My first handhold.
The first boy I fell for.
My first kiss.
Flaming Gorge (G.P.O.E.)
Co-ed campout.
Cliff Jumping.
Bells Canyon.
Rediscovering how much I love music and especially music while driving.
Wicked (Lagoon)
My first heartache.
Mountain biking the Pipeline Trail.
Cedar Express 31 mile relay race.
The first heartache I gave someone else.

As you can see, it's been a busy summer and I am sad to let it go, but there really is something about pulling on that first jacket of the season and walking out to the crisp coolness in the air.  Fall is beautiful in its own way and I'm sure it too will bring a lot of new experiences.

Here's what I've got planned so far.
Timpanogos
Love Your Body 10K
Lake Blanche
Dog's Lake
Gym, gym, gym
Dancing
New long sleeve shirts and jeans!
Playing in the leaves

... and once it gets a tad bit colder and everyone is complaining about the Wintertime blues...
Snowshoeing.

I'm gonna rock it.