I had a lot of fears going into the birth of our child. I was very afraid of being induced and therefore having contractions that I couldn't handle, having to get an epidural, and ultimately needing to have a c-section. I am kind of a "worst-case scenario" type person where I assume what I don't want to happen is going to happen and then am pleasantly surprised when things go the way that I want them to. It definitely isn't always the best attitude to have, but it is some kind of weird coping mechanism I have developed over the years.
Sunday evening, March 13, my heart started racing after going to the bathroom and noticing that I was losing portions of what appeared to be my mucus plug. It doesn't seem like a lot of people know what that is, but prior to your bag of waters breaking, you lose a plug that has been keeping your cervix closed throughout your pregnancy. Many women never notice it happening or it happens all at once during labor. I tried not to get too excited about it as a first time mom labor could still be a week away.
Monday, March 14 was a day that I was really looking forward to not being at work for. My friend, Meghan had guessed this as my due date in our office poll in an effort to save me one more Monday where everyone really noticed and made comments that I was there. The day at work went by largely uneventfully. I had a midwife appointment at the end of the work day where, since I was past my due date, she checked me. I was -3 station, 80% effaced, and 1 cm dilated. Nothing too terribly exciting as I still had a long ways to go, but progress is progress. That evening, I took a long nap on the couch and woke around 7:30 p.m. to some pretty strong contractions. I pulled out my contraction timer app on my phone and started timing them. Justin and I went to Cafe Rio to get tostadas and I just worked through the contractions. They were strong, but not unmanageable. and were sporadic. They were anywhere from 10-15 minutes apart, always lasting about a minute. I had a few that were closer together at about 8 minutes apart, but they really didn't seem to be progressing. I texted my doula, Meagan, to let her know about the contractions just in case I ended up needing her to come over in the middle of the night.
We went to bed that night and I barely slept, waking every so often to deal with and time a contraction and then falling back asleep in between. At about 5 in the morning of March 15, I told myself that if the contractions continued at 6 a.m. when it was time to go to work, I would stay home. I managed to fall asleep at this point and when my alarm went off at 6 a.m. got up and started getting ready for the day. The contractions had not come back. I went to work and started going about my day. A coworker excitedly exclaimed that I was still there and teased me about going into labor at work. He told me, "you just let me know who I have to call...." I laughed it off thinking I was still at least a few days out from having this baby.
Around 9 a.m., I headed over to Starbucks with a few of my coworkers. While there, I started having contractions again. I silently pulled out my contraction timer and started keeping track. In the beginning, they seemed the same as the night before. They were 6-8 minutes apart, lasting a minute, but were largely sporadic. I just kept going about my day. The contractions were different, however, in that they were so strong that I had to concentrate on each one. They were so strong that they made my eyes water and took my breath away. Around 10:30, myself and another coworker, Becki, walked over to the pediatric ophthalmology clinic at Primary Children's to get some water and to talk to Dr. Hoffman. Before heading in, I paused outside the clinic asking Becki to wait a minute. I didn't want people to see me struggling and have them comment about me having the baby soon. Becki grinned at me and said, "Oh girl, you need to go home." I shrugged her comment off and went into the clinic once the contraction was done. Dr. Hoffman was so excited to see me. He said, "Thank you for being here today!" and gave me a list of things that he needed accomplished that day. After leaving the clinic, I again paused on the bridge heading back to the Moran.
I stopped at my friend's desk on my way back to mine and showed her the contraction timer to ask her what she thought. I still didn't believe that I was actually in labor and figured that they were probably just going to stop. She told me that she thought I probably should head home. I went upstairs and got a turkey sandwich, knowing that I really needed to eat something. The contractions were strong enough at this point that I felt really nauseated during each one so I was only able to get through half of the sandwich. I was texting my doula and she asked if she could call. She also said that I should probably go home and told me that she was in Bountiful and could come to my house at a moment's notice if I needed her. She said the nausea and pain in my back was a sign that the baby was posterior and it would probably be a good thing to try and work to turn the baby. After the call, Becki came back over to my desk to check on me and again told me that she could take care of anything that came up and that I should just go home. At this point, I headed over to my manager's office and told her that I needed to go home. She asked me what was going on and through tears, I told her that my contractions were about 6-8 minutes apart. She asked me if Justin was coming to get me, but I told her that I could make it home. I wasn't crying because of the contractions at that point, but just because I was so emotional about the whole thing. However, I still didn't believe that baby was actually coming that day.
I realize that it seems counterproductive to go home when you work on campus of the hospital you are delivering at and you think that you might be in labor, but I didn't want to go in and risk them telling me I wasn't progressed enough to be admitted. Also, I was concerned that the more time I spent in the hospital, the more time there would be for interventions. It made more sense for me to labor for as long as I could in the comfort of my own home.
I called Justin as I was leaving work. He was at Buffalo Wild Wings for a company lunch and had already ordered. He told me later that some of his coworkers had told him to just go to lunch in their car, but he had insisted that he take his own. Good thing, :-) I also called my mom and asked her to come get Fievel and Ellie from our house. During the car ride home, I put on my Hypnobabies track, Birthing Day Affirmations. Justin and I arrived home at the same time. We spent the next little while timing contractions and doing a few household chores. Soon though, the contractions got worse and Justin applied pressure to my back during them and I just laid on the bed in between each one. We continued to listen to the Birthing Day Affirmations. I hadn't switched to the next track because I still was not convinced that I was actually in labor.
After a while, I had Justin call Meagan to come to our house. When she got there we worked through some more contractions and used a Rebozo to "sift" my belly in a effort to get her to turn. At some point, we realized that my contractions had been at the magical 4-1-1 (4 minutes apart lasting a minute for an hour) for about 2 hours. Meagan suggested that we go to the hospital at this point and get checked as she felt that I was creating a mental block for myself because I was so concerned about when we should go. I didn't want to be in transition in the car, but I also didn't want to be sent home. We left for the hospital around 3:30 p.m. Contractions in the car were not fun, but were manageable. Justin would apply pressure to a pressure point on my hand during each one. I was still pretty calm in between contractions and was almost convinced that they were going to send us home.
When we got to the hospital, the valet was already closed despite it not being time for it to be closed so Justin parked the car out front and walked me in. There were plenty of wheelchairs by the door, but I really had no interest in sitting down. We went to Triage where they checked me. I was dilated to a 3+. They did a non-stress test where I was hooked up, monitoring baby's heartrate and my contractions. The beds in triage are certainly the types of bed that they would have in hell. They are nothing more than a stretcher. It was difficult working through contractions having to be on my back. After about an hour, the nurses came back and checked me again. At this point, I was a 4. They contacted the midwife on call to find out whether or not to admit me. Since I was GBS positive and would require antibiotics every 4 hours during labor, they decided to admit. They also did an ultrasound at this point to confirm baby's position. She was indeed very much sunny side up (posterior). One of the triage nurses tried to put an IV in my left hand, but was unsuccessful and I could feel the blood running down my arm and fingers. If you know me, you know that I have never handled blood very well. I was fully aware of what was going on with the IV, but I told myself that I couldn't be afraid of this because I knew they were going to have to try again and the fear would only make it worse for me. I kept my gaze averted and just continued to listen to the track that Justin had playing out loud in the room.
After the failed IV attempt, I walked over to the Labor and Delivery unit across the hall. Once there, a nurse put an IV in my right forearm and I was again tied to the bed for awhile. Justin and the doula continued applying counter pressure to my knees while the antibiotics were administered and baby was monitored. I got antibiotics 3 times during labor. I finally had Justin switch the Hynobabies track to Easy First Stage, accepting that baby was actually coming.
The University of Utah recently started a waterbirth study and I had signed up so I started being more and more pushy about getting in the tub. They eventually started to fill it and I was able to unhook from the IV and get in. I'm not really sure how long I labored in the tub for. It was during this time that I started to say "I wish I knew how much longer this was going to take." Justin had brought his swimming suit and got in the tub with me. At some point, the midwife, Sarah, came in and told him that it was against hospital protocol for him to be in there with me, but that she was going to overlook it for the time being. The water provided some relief from the contractions, but not the miracle cure that my Hypnobabies class and other people had made it sound. I don't know if this is because Cora was posterior and all of my labor was in my back. Being in the tub also put me in an awkward position for Justin and Meagan to apply counter pressure. I'm not really sure how long I was in there, but after awhile I needed to use the restroom and wanted to get out.
I decided to go back to the bed leaning with the head of the bed up. Justin placed a picture frame that had a picture of Fievel and Ellie on one side and my family on the other in front of me as something for me to focus on. They checked me at some point and I was dilated to a 9, but baby was still high in my pelvis at a -3 station. The back labor was killer and I didn't feel that I was coping very well. Hypnobabies still played in the background and while I found her voice very calming and soothing, I found trying to use it practically during labor was really difficult for me. It was hard to follow her instructions when I was in the thick of things. While laboring this way, my water broke. I remember in the back of my mind having some small sense of embarrassment as I knew Justin, Meagan, and the midwife were all behind me. I asked Justin later if he had gotten splashed, but fortunately, I was covered between the hospital gown and a blanket so no splashing took place :-). After my water broke, they checked me again and I had digressed back to a 7 and baby was still really high up in my pelvis. At this time, I really started to lose it and didn't feel like I could keep going. I never once asked for an epidural, but instead kept saying "I can't do this anymore. Please." I remember the midwife asking me how I was managing my pain and I just kept shaking my head. It was going through my head that this was going to go on for awhile and then I was going to "push for 6 hours" before the baby would come out. They were asking me if I was feeling any pressure anywhere but my back, but it was just all consuming. I couldn't feel anything else. I was convinced that she was never going to come out.
I got back in the tub and labored for awhile. They informed me that I had risked out of being able to birth in the water because when my water broke there was some meconium in it. I was okay with that though as I didn't really feel the water helped that much. There was for awhile a small sense of calm as I looked at the picture of Fievel and Ellie and my family and the tired and calm faces of Justin, the midwife, and Meagan. This was probably the only part of labor that I somewhat enjoyed. I remember joking with Justin about Fievel and Ellie's reactions to the baby.
After getting out of the tub and laboring in the bed for awhile, the midwife suggested we put a monitor in to see if my contractions were strong enough to bring baby down. If not, they would give me pitocin to strengthen the contractions. This idea was terrifying to me for two reasons. One, I didn't think I could possibly handle stronger contractions and two, it would result in me getting an epidural. She wasn't going to come out and ultimately, after all this hard work, they would send me for a c-section. Just as the midwife was going to put the monitor in, she checked me one last time and I had miraculously dilated back to a 9 and was completely effaced. Cora was engaged in my pelvis at a 0 station. I labored for a while in the same bent over position on the bed. Meagan got the Rebozo out and continued trying to sift my belly to get Cora to turn. I had a 4 minute long contraction at one point. This is when they think that she finally corkscrewed around so that she could come out the way she is supposed to. I stopped saying that I couldn't do this anymore and instead just said "I just need a break. Please." They brought out the squatting bar for the bed, telling me that it was time to push her out. Justin put out the "Pushing Baby Out" Hypnobabies track.
I still don't quite understand how it all happened because I never felt contractions in my stomach at all and the only pressure I continued to feel was in my back. At one point, the midwife told me to reached my hand down to feel her head and I was so confused by the whole thing because I was still convinced that she wasn't going to come out. I never felt the so-called "ring of fire" that everyone talks about of baby's head crowning. The midwife told me that my baby was almost here, just two more contractions and she would be out. I remember having 4 contractions and I was mad that she had told me it would only be two :-P.
I only pushed for about 40 minutes and little Cora came into this world. Justin said his first impression of her was that she was long and blue. The midwife milked the cord and handed her off to the waiting team to be assessed. She had Apgar scores of 8 and 9. They suctioned her mouth and we heard our little girl's first cry. While she was on the table, I asked two questions. Does she have hair? and is she a ginger? I also made sure that she was in fact a girl because I had this ridiculous fear in the back of my mind after everything we bought and were given that she would turn out to be a he. :-P Both Justin and I marveled at her perfect little head, seeing how we had seen some birth videos with babies with really strangely shaped heads. Shortly after, they put her on my chest and we stayed like that for about two hours before we were transferred to the Maternal and Fetal Care Unit via a wheelchair.
This was definitely the hardest thing that I have ever done, but also the most rewarding. There is no way that I could have done it without my doula Meagan and Justin. They worked tirelessly and put just as much effort in as I did. The midwife and nurse were also incredible and provided a lot of counter pressure in order to give Justin and Meagan small breaks here and there. I felt SO incredibly loved and supported by everyone involved. My love, appreciation, and respect for Justin grew by incredible bounds going through this experience with him, as well as watching him interact with Cora moment by moment.
I felt like the Hypnobabies course was really good for us to take and I do feel like the tracks helped calm me during labor, but ultimately above all I would recommend to others that want to go unmedicated to get a wonderful doula and have a birth partner that is highly supportive.
10 hours of prodromal labor, 6 hours of pre-labor, 20 hours of active labor, and 40 minutes of pushing: she is here and she is perfect!
Cora Carolina Beagley 6 lbs 13.9 oz, 19 inches long born at 4:39 a.m. on March 16, 2016.
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