Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

I think everyone has things in their life that they regret, everyone has a million "what ifs" that bounce through their heads from time to time.  At least I know that it how it is for me.  I regret a lot of things.  I regret some things I've done.  I regret some things that I didn't do.  I think those regrets and what ifs will always be there.

Having said that, there is no regret in my life that is so huge that I can't forgive myself or love the life that I now have.  I'm happy, incredibly happy - I didn't even know it was possible to BE this happy.

Last night, Justin and I watched a movie called Blue Valentine.  I don't recommend it, but I'm not saying I didn't like the movie.  I'm not really saying I liked it either.  It is interesting how 2 people can watch the same movie and take it so differently.  It was a sad movie.  It is about two people who fall in love, the girl finds out she is pregnant - but by a previous boyfriend, and they decide to get married anyway and become a family.  It fasts forwards to years later and they are so obviously unhappy.  They can't stand each other.  In the whole movie, you only see one moment where they were truly happy.  It really IS sad.

Since meeting Justin, he has made it his duty to educate me on movies.  I like to tease him that all the movies he watches are incredibly depressing... Anything from Memento to Gone Baby Gone to Mystic River - such depressing movies.  But last night, THIS movie truly depressed him.

That's not how I saw it.  I watched that movie and watched a story unfold of life - real life, sometimes how life happens.  Justin said that that isn't how life is, and I said that it was.  He asked me if that was how I felt, that there was only ONE moment where him and I were TRULY happy.  No, not with him.

I guess my point to all of this is... life has its ups and downs.  Sometimes the downs and horribly horribly sad - but they are beautiful in their own way.  To me, that movie in a way... "celebrated" the sadness, and to me it was beautiful.

I do not regret the life I've lived.  I do not regret the things I've gone through, the people I've loved and lost, the hurts I've received... because that's life and life is both beautiful AND tragic... and I'm glad to have lived it.